Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
