i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How does one acquire holy water?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
