Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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