I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
