I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
