In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
