You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
