Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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