The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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