Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
