I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
