I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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