Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
