do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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