1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
