it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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