I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
