So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
