you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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