Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
