His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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