Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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