"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
