Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
