Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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