i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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