Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just google imaged poop.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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