My hair reeks of homosexuality.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
