if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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