He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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