Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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