Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
