I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
