You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
