He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
