Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
