and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
