is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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