If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
