i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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