I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
