he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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