Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
