Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
