they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
