So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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