I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
