I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
