Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
