i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
